Have you encountered advertisements on FB for things you never knew existed, but having seen them, can’t live without? I have to exercise an extraordinary measure of self restraint not to part with my money. It’s like walking through a minefield.

Just the other day, I succumbed to whisks which rotate as you press down on them. It does a great job at whisking eggs, whipping cream and I am sure much more. I had never felt the need to whisk or whip anything, animate or inanimate, until then. For a few days, I whisked and whipped anything that looked like it could benefit from a good whisking or whipping. Very quickly I realised that I didn’t really need it. I don’t like omelettes and my wife uses a food processor to extract industrial quantities of ghee from double cream. And so the rotary whisk rests in my kitchen, smug, enjoying early retirement – free boarding, no need to work. And there was a buy two get one free option. So I possessed three whisks until I gifted the extras to relatives.
Today I said no to low temperature welding rods. It was most inviting. I could weld broken crockery, leaking utensils, anything that needs joining together or patching up. Fortunately, I remembered that broken crockery is never reused and goes straight into pots to help drain the water from its soil. There’s no history in recent times of utensils having leaked. So a firm NO to low temperature welding. I don’t need you.
Then there’s a back and foot scrubber that sticks to the wall so you could exfoliate yourself like a moulting snake and scrub yourself raw in the shower. I nearly fell for this until better sense prevailed. I don’t work in a coal mine. There’s nothing to scrub. My skin is fine. It doesn’t need replacing. Thanks but no thanks.
With this same logic I rejected a German multifunctional massage shower head with its own built in skin scrubber. What’s this obsession with scrubbing in these targeted adverts, I wonder. I’m beginning to take it personally.
The worst was when I had to wrench myself away from a name embossing device. It was quite painful. I just had to tell the seller my name and anything else I want to appear on it, part with £36 and wait a few days. I would then receive this fascinating device which would generate my own customised insignia, my name immortalised in regal relief. I could emboss all the books in my library with my personal seal. I could add a touch of class to any letter I write.
Then I was saved by a counter thought. I don’t have a physical library at home. I borrow electronic books from the public library or buy them on Kindle. In fact I’m getting rid of my own books because once I’ve read a book I never go back to it. They just become a collector’s item – collecting dust. Embossing them is neither necessary nor useful. In fact it would just increase the surface area and aid further dust accumulation. And I’ve forgotten the last time I wrote a letter. So, NO.
I don’t know how many other ‘useful’ items will attempt to seduce me. Rational thinking usually comes either after I make the purchase or after my heart is torn into fragments by the act of self denial. So far I have remained unsullied.















