Oyster and me

I have a policy: not to expand the list of of marine animals I consume. I am a vegetarian at heart, but I do eat fish and a couple of crustaceans. I have no desire to taste new things. So when I asked the fishmonger at the Luçon market, in broken French and mime, whether one must cook the oyster before consuming it, he cracked open one with his pen knife and offered me the real thing. He obviously thought I was asking to taste one. That put me in a difficult situation. The last thing I wanted to do was offend the man by refusing it.

I received the half with the slimy mass – like raw egg white mixed in with some black stringy stuff and brown translucent blobs. I looked for an exit. I asked weakly if he wanted me to swallow the lot hoping he would say that it was up to me. He just said ‘oui oui’ and I knew the game was up for me.

I transferred the contents into my mouth. Disgusting doesn’t come anywhere near expressing what it felt like. Fortunately, the overwhelming taste was that of sea water. I can’t remember anything else in the taste department except that I knew I had a live creature in my mouth. But it couldn’t stay there. I had to spit it out or swallow it. As I said, my intention was not to offend. So I swallowed the lot.

I summoned a fake ‘so tasty’ expression on my face if only to please the man. But then a strange aftertaste lingered. I retched. My face twisted, and grimacing, I pushed out my tongue – all in one smooth involuntary movement. That probably saved me from throwing up on his large oyster collection. He got the message.

How much? I asked.

He pointed to the price on a piece of board: €6.90 for a kilogram.

No no! Just for the bit I ate. I mimed.

Oh! Nothing.

For the next hour, I watched for internal reactions. Did i feel something moving inside me? Or was it just my imagination? Did my stomach hurt a bit? No. Just imagination.

Never again to oysters. Octopus, eels, turtles and everyone else – you will remain strictly outside my menu. The next time I am curious about something, I’ll just go to YouTube.