A young man in an old person’s skin

The guiding principles of my life are to be found in the prose poem ‘Desiderata’ by Max Ehrmann.

Among other things, it says,

“Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth,”

A recent incident demonstrated I was not adhering to this principle.

Last week I received two envelopes from Barclays Bank. One contained a debit card and the other a pin number.

“Dear Dr Chandroth,” said the letter, “You’re ready to go online … All you need to do now is sit back and enjoy an easy way to bank online.”

What’s special about this? I hear you ask. The thing is, I never opened a bank account in Barclays. I have no dealings with Barclays, never had.

I called the bank. It was late evening on Saturday. The recorded message said I should call back during weekdays unless I was reporting fraud.

A young (sounding) woman with an Indian accent dealt with me.

“I apologise for the inconvenience, Dr Chandroth,” she gave me the usual spiel.

She went on to record all my personal details including date and place of birth, finally assuring me that the fake account would be blocked and I needn’t worry anymore. Then she asked if there was anything else she could help with.

“How is it possible for someone to open an account in my name? Don’t you verify their bona fides?” I asked her in a calm voice.

“Dr Chandroth, fraudsters target vulnerable and elderly people,” she replied quite casually.

Now, there was no reason for me to get upset. But truth be told, I was livid. Elderly? Vulnerable? Me?! I have never thought of myself in those terms. One’s reaction when caught off-guard reveals a lot about one’s true character. Her words touched a nerve or two.

“I am not vulnerable. I have a PhD in Computer Science. I cycled 70 kms just last week! How many kms can you do? I am not some doddering old geezer. What is vulnerable is your bank’s security, not me!” I ranted at her.

“I am so sorry sir. I didn’t mean you are old and vulnerable. Age is just a number,” the poor woman was distraught and probably said things outside her script just to mollify me.

I too am sorry, young lady, for my intemperate outburst. I am probably three times your age. Of course, you consider me elderly and by definition, vulnerable. I promise to improve and – to ‘take kindly the counsel of the years.’ But I will be damned if I surrender the things of youth.

Now where is my OAP freedom travel pass? I will ditch my bicycle today and go for a bus ride just to calm my elderly nerves.