The pacer

The one good thing about COVID was it forced us to exercise once a day. Most of us looked forward to the one hour outing we were allowed everyday and my wife and I were no exception. However, there was a problem. My wife liked to walk slowly admiring the wild plants and ducks. I liked to walk as if I were about to miss a flight. The result? I would be way ahead waiting for her while she ambled along like peak hour traffic on the M25.

“Walk faster,” I would entreat her.

“You walk fast if you want,” she would retort.

It is no use arguing with her. She tends to dig in, the more persuasive I become. One day, we had some minor disagreement which turned into a full blown verbal. The curious thing was, as long as we were arguing she kept pace with me, matching me step for step, word for word. That’s when I had the ‘Aha’ moment – my own little epiphany.

From the next day onwards, five minutes into our walk, I would start a small argument – nothing connected to household matters or with the potential to escalate, but something that held tremendous promise for an hour’s worth of harmless disagreement. So, for instance, keeping a poker face, I would say something like,

“How can anyone live on the South Pole? Won’t they be standing upside down?”

She would look at me as if I had completely lost it and respond,

“I can’t believe this. Just what are you saying? Have you heard of gravity?”

“Yes, but gravity only makes sure you don’t fall off into space. But you’ll still be upside down.”

“So you think the Antarticans are all upside down?” she would try sarcasm.

“Yes exactly! Imagine an ant going round a football. However big the football, by the time it reaches the bottom of the ball it’ll be upside down. No? It’s simple logic. Think about it ..”

“OMG! What’s the matter with you?” she would move from incredulous to mildly amused to mildly irritated.

“It may sound stupid, but actually it’s not,” and so on I would string it along, gently increasing my pace all the while.

She would match my pace while trying to drum some sense into my head. And so it would continue until we returned home. Back at our front door, I would concede defeat and declare,

“Yes. You’re right.”

And all would be well again.